Several times I’ve talked about depression and anxiety, the things we need to focus on everyday to improve ourselves and how we are expressing self-care with these acts with respect and high moral values. But what I haven’t done enough is talking about self-love and neither about true love in a relationship to someone else.
Yesterday was Valentine’s Day and around this time we feel the necessity or sometimes the obligation to profess “love” towards our partners with gifts, love letters, Valentines cards, chocolates, flowers, special dates, etc…
On the other hand, people who aren’t in a relationship tend to fall into depression because they think something is wrong with them. I’d like to demonstrate here why Valentine’s Day is not that important to those that feel depressed about it.
Before that, let’s take a look at what love is.
What is Love?
♪ Baby don’t hurt me…♫
I’ll not go too deep into defining what love is because I think is not something we need to understand with logic but instead with our gut feelings, with our hearts.
One simple and clear definition of Love; a sense of affinity toward something or someone.
A great definition I believe! This one conveys that love is something we feel towards others because we sense that we can relate and open up our true selves. We can deposit our trust and be vulnerable.
Just for the sake of mentioning because I think is an interesting fact about love. Greeks in ancient times used seven words to describe the different kind of loves we can perceive and devote, these are:
Philautia -> Self-love
Storage -> Natural affection
Philia -> Friendship
Ludus -> Flirting
Eros -> Sexual and Erotica
Pragma -> Committed (Married)
Agape -> Unconditional (Divine)
As I’ve said, I’ll not go too deep about what love is (maybe will save it for another post). But hope this basic understanding and the simple definition I’ve just gave you here, will serve you well.
Now, I’ll give you my opinion about what is “true love”, and why if you are single you shouldn’t be depressed about Valentines Day.
When There’s True Love in a Relationship, Valentine’s Day is just Another Day
Valentine’s Day is good in the way to remind us that we need to keep in track, not lose the way of caring and showing the commitment to our partner, that we are interested in being with her/him.
All of this is very important because sometimes we can lose track and forget to nurture our love life, but the way we try to nurture a relationship is by an expensive date, a fancy gift or doing something big to show our significant others that we really love them. And this is not the right way.
I almost can bet someone hasn’t fallen in love with you because you gave flowers and chocolates in Valentines Day. Showing interest? Sure thing! But true love it’s hard to gauge or maybe cannot be measured, not sure about this statement.
What I have pretty clear is that what sets the difference in relationships that have love at its core between those that lack it, is the daily practice of being committed to our partner in the relationship.
The daily minimal and insignificant things that by standing-alone won’t make any difference, but when combined over certain amount of time, it makes all the difference.
It’s not about the intensity because there’s not an exact day in which you can say “I love you” but instead it’s about the consistency. Being genuinely consistent is more about believing there’s something over there with that person and you keep committed to that person and that relationship.
When the two of you do it, you can say there’s true love! And that’s why you shouldn’t be depressed about being single in Valentines Day.
Love is something we all can feel but sometimes cannot explain. Love is not something we need to understand with logic but instead feel it with our hearts.
By having a sense of affinity with your own self, you’ll end up accepting who you are and keep committed toward building a healthy relationship with yourself. And as a matter of fact, it will be the best thing to do before starting a love relationship.
Valentines Day is more about intensity not consistency which is where we can find true love. However, the trick of consistency and finding love, is being genuine with the interest and the actions taken to foster the relationship.